a NEW you begins with a REAL you

This is where it all begins..
Realising over the past 2 years that life isnt all rainbows and butterflys and the fairy tales you read about in books...I know right, how good would it be if all our lives were those 20 page picture story books where there's a begining, middle and they all lived happily ever after and you're left with that warm fuzzy feeling inside because nothing bad will ever ever ever happen to those people in their perfect story book world..wake up, life isn't like that. For some of you reading this you're like 'wow i know what she means, like last week sarah and ryan broke up because sarah was talking to ryans best friend and ryan was seen crying in the bathrooms because he thought she was the one OMG' ........and the rest of you, like me, you know it because you've been there...and the plain and simple reality of it is that life is hard, it can seem unfair, it hurts and although you know 'other people have it worse off' it still sucks.
SURPRISINGLY though, this blog isnt about the heart aches of life trials and tribulations, its about me coming out the other end with a new kind of understanding and lease on something that through my highs school years, through the death of my dad, has always eaten me alive...its the deadly topic of

LOSING WEIGHT!!!!!!!!

there you go, I've said it! After 8 years, long years, years most of us wish to forget...the years of hormone changes, hips growing, acknowledging what you look like, understanding what clothing sizes are, pimples..etc etc etc...WEIGHT has never been something that ive been able to lock in the closet..all you blessed little bodies are thinking right now 'eat well and exercise!' right?...wrong..after a year of, i guess you could call it picking up the pieces and finding myself, i now see that the reason and effectiveness of weight gain and weight loss all begins with yourself, no one else. 'You've got nothing to worry about, your beautiful, at least your fit, you're so toned though?" I've heard them all and i still dont believe them.
The words DEPRESSION FRUSTRATION FAILURE come to mind when i think of my weight loss journey because i have never, up until now, realized that i hadn't dealt with this issue properly. I had convinced myself i had TRIED and it DIDNT WORK...then one day i decided not to be scared of actually trying and failing and be honest with myself which is what brings me to this blog.

the truth is, i had tried...for about 3 days at a time.. then i would convince myself it wasnt going to work...old habits came straight back...
I would get angry and upset because 'i work so hard and nothing changes'...but when i decided to be honest wth myself...i wasnt working hard enough.
LIES LIES AND LIES!! 
all because i was scared of my own failure before i even failed............

NOT THIS TIME!!!! THIS IS REAL, RAW AND REJUVENATING.

come on this daily journey with me as i face my worst nightmare, myself...and walk through life as a healthier, lighter, better me :)